PinXho

early birthday present to me, with love, from me.

pusher — Wed, 10 May 2006 17:42:10 +0000

its amazing. i think the name is “the captain” i may have to smoke a few more bowls out of it before i really decide on that or not.

….update: her name is midnigh daisy. love it.

pusher — Wed, 03 May 2006 20:35:03 +0000

today is SUCH a gorgeous day out at the river

so i took a picture

and been playin with it on the computer

finally ready for posting:

falling down the rabbit hole

pusher — Mon, 01 May 2006 19:09:18 +0000

deeper into the rabbit hole

down down in darkness she rolls

a world of colors and creatures

full of twisted strange features

run into teasing and cheating

what's in the bottle she's keeping

drink it drink it, down down

drunk girl, drunk, drown drown.

too big for this small space

feeling so little, so erased.

clawing and digging upside out of this hell

she'll never stand up from the place that she fell.

Look.

pusher — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 13:11:47 +0000

new page "art 06" —->

my fears of tears

pusher — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:23:56 +0000

no secrets
just wide open
you can keep it
thats what i’m hopin
hide the fears
i didn’t see it
always waiting here
i don’t want this to be it

one more time
i always give in
it twists around my mind
i quit playing
let me off of this ride
its making me sick
stop and go, halt and roll, im so tired
i found the secret potion, my little trick

can’t be here
can’t be away
i’d share my tears
any other day

circles

pusher — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 21:49:29 +0000

run around in circles

until your face turns purple

faster each time around

run hard and hit the ground

pain shooting through your entire body

waste away without help from anybody

deprived

yet survived

give up now and give up life

it makes it easier without the strife

you find that you stress it and press it

you forget how to caress it

put the pain away on the top shelf

learn to love, be true to and love yourself.

it fucking hurts

pusher — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 18:31:18 +0000

hurt me, fucking hurt me hard
hurt me the way you fuck me
you're so good at it
hurting and fucking
and i come running back for more
like a clingy needy bitch
hurting myself
fucking myself over
fuck me until it hurts
fuck you for hurting me
hurt me for fucking you
hurt me cause you dont give a fuck
i hurt me too, what joy what fucking fun
fuck hard
hurt hard
fuck me sweetly
hurt me greatly
hurt me because it fucking feels good

heartbeats

pusher — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 05:31:47 +0000

god loved his world and his people so much he hung himself on a cross in order to absorb all the pain and suffering those people would ever experience in all of time.
im not god but i see how much you hurt and suffer and if there was anyway for me to take on your troubles and hurts and even that muscle pain in your knee…
just so you could carry on happy, smiling, feeling the way you feel on those pills and drugs without the pills and drugs just like yourself so care free…
i would do it in less then a heartbeat.
i have a big heart and i’d give the whole thing to you if i could
but the thing about heartbeats, is that i need mine. i need my blood to pump. my oxegyn to flow. my body to work.
so you see i cant continue to give my heart so freely to you, i just wont live without it.
you didnt ask for this but this is what you got.
i didnt plan it this way either.
but someone did and he usually knows what hes doing.

the word association game

pusher — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 18:50:02 +0000

songs
feel
bongs
heal
mind
matter
kind
clatter
expectaions
shatter
break
heart
take
apart
listen
ignore
kristin
whore
sleep in
wait
sin
late
love
fit
glove
mit
letter
pause
better
cause
unstoppable
forever
probable
weather
outside
chaos
inside
fast
rides
nothing
to hide
words
meanings
yours
seeming
truth
trust
stuff
busts
trends
lose
choose
ends

tommorrow

pusher — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 23:38:27 +0000

i might not be around
for you to hear this sound.
you might not be here long
so you see my silence seems wrong.
what if today is the last
and i never said this in the past?
i dont know how i’m supposed to act
and im counting on you to create this pact.
ive laughed until i cried,
and cried until my eyes dried.
thats jsut my outward signs
of what makes us inwardly blind.
you go first,
i don’t have this rehearsed.

how long am i supposed to wait?
another week,
another four?
until you’re too weak,
until you even your score?
how will i know if tommorrows too late?